By Erika Ettin Tribune News Service
Tribune News Service
When asked about New Year’s resolutions, so many people say that their goal is to meet someone or find a partner. That’s all fine and good, but what they often forget is that there are a lot of steps that comprise the final outcome of meeting someone.
Below are five ideas for tangible resolutions that will bring you a lot closer to your ultimate goal for 2019. Some may suit your personality, and some may not, but even doing one or two of these things will get you well on your way.
1. If you’re on a dating app, swipe 50 profiles a day. Yes, 50.
That way, you’re sure to at least stay active on the site and not forget about it for two weeks, but you won’t go into the rabbit hole of spending too much time each day using dating apps. It can become an addiction! A survey by dating app Badoo found that, on average, people spend about 90 minutes a day online dating, logging on 10 times a day for about nine minutes at a time. This seems like an obsession to me, and one that won’t lead to the desired outcome. Focus instead on swiping a certain number of people, getting some matches, and then writing to those matches. There’s no point in swiping into oblivion if you’re not going to have any dates come to fruition.
2. Read over your profile and revamp it as necessary.
A client of mine wrote to someone on Match.com the other day, saying, among other things, “From reading your profile, it sounds like you’re very aware of what’s gone right and wrong in your life and have learned from those experiences. That’s a great quality in a person.” The response she got was, “Alas, my profile was written ages ago, I’m afraid to read it now. I appreciate your thoughtful comment about it.” Don’t let this happen to you. Keep your profile accurate and current.
3. Go to one new social event a week.
Maybe it’s a business networking event, maybe a happy hour, or maybe just dinner with friends. Anything to get you “out there” will help with your goal of meeting someone. The one place you definitely won’t meet someone is on your couch. (Though, it’s not the end of the world to stare at some of those hotties on Netflix once in a while. I’m talking about you, Idris Elba.)
4. Say hi to someone new every day.
I know this is many an extrovert’s dream and an introvert’s nightmare. When you’re at Starbucks or your office or killing time at the DMV (which I’ve been putting off for a good six months), just look to your left or right, smile, and say “hi.” A little bit of kindness goes a long way.
5. Break one rule
Do you have any deal-breakers that might be negotiable after all? Maybe you’re a woman who’s always thought you wanted to be with someone at least 6-feet tall. (Why, oh why? Give some love to the shorter men.) Try lowering that by an inch or two. When you’re sitting down and … ahem … in bed, I’m pretty sure you won’t notice. Or, have you only been searching within, say, 10 miles of your zip code? Expand that to 20 or 30 to see who else comes across your path. You just never know.
Ultimately, just like most things that matter in life, meeting someone special takes work, and no one goes from Point A (single) to Point Z (in a long-term relationship) overnight. My goal is to help you get to Point B, then C, then eventually X, Y, and Z. Also remember that Z is not the only way to define “success.” If you see everything short of the ultimate goal as a failure, then it’s certainly going to be a long and painful process. Give yourself some credit for the baby steps!
For 2019, I have a few personal goals: Get more sleep, take my dog to the dog park more often, and drink more water. But, using my own advice, I’m going to amend them: Go to bed half an hour earlier three days a week, take Scruffy to the dog park every Saturday that I’m in town and it’s not raining, and carry a water bottle with me. See the difference? The first set of goals has no directions. The second set is actionable. Let’s do the same thing with dating.
(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating.)